There is a strong temptation in writing direct mail to use a form of language that "feels right" for direct mail but actually has little relevance to everyday English.

There really is no need for this.  It is much better to use the everyday language that you would use if meeting one of the people to whom you are writing for the first time - the sort of language that you would probably use if you were running the stand at a trade show and a possible buyer approached.

When you have written some direct mail take a look at the result and ask yourself, "would I ever actually talk like this?"   Would I really say to someone at a trade show, "I am delighted to give you our new catalogue; on page 23 you will see...."

The answer of course is no, you would not.   So why adopt this strange formulistic approach in direct mail?

The reason is that you have read other people's work and so you try to write like them - but in doing so you are merely copying bad practice.  Indeed it is quite possible to argue that the reason that so much direct mail fails to get very good response rates is because of the very odd way in which the mail is written.

Before proceeding further I strongly suggest that you collect the next five pieces of direct mail that you receive, and then read them from the point of view of ease of communication, fluidity, expressiveness, interest... all the things you would expect to deliver on a stand at a trade show.

I'll give a direct example of this, for I have just picked up today's post from the mat at my home.  The first item I have opened is a direct mail shot from a city centre venue which I enjoy visiting, telling me about some forthcoming jazz there.   Now I am on that mailing list because I have visited the venue, have paid good money to see good events, and I have asked to be kept in touch.

So what do they say to me?

They write,

Hello

I am writing to let you know that the new Jazz on the Level series will be starting soon at xxxx opening a series of diverse performances from some superb artists and bringing you some fantastic jazz this autumn.

This is terrible.   Remember, I am a committed person who has ASKED to go on this list.  I obviously know a bit about the venue, and a little about jazz.   So what is the point of this generalised waffle.   Would you ever step into the gangway at a trade show and say "I am stepping in front of you to tell you that we have some wonderful and diverse products on our stand just behind me?

Hopefully not - so what is the excuse of using this strange form of prose here?   By the time I have got to the end of the first paragraph I am worn out and hardly have the energy to read on - despite the fact that I am committed to the centre, and to jazz.

"Diverse performances", "superb artists" "bringing you some fantastic jazz" - it is all too silly for words.

If I was asked to work on this piece (which I wasn't) I would write something like this...

All of us have our favourite jazz performers - people we would probably travel some distance to hear play.  But jazz is a living medium, and its important, in my opinion, for all of us to give some support to the lesser known artists currently performing in the UK.

So in choosing this autumn's season of concerts I've tried to provide a mix of established favourite performers with some new artists whose work I really believe you should hear.

My argument is simple.  My attempt is in proper normal everyday English.  The actual piece I was sent was in directmailese - a horrible language that should perhaps be called junklish.  

Please, I urge you, write in English.

Tony Attwood

Free analysis of your mailshot

This article is written by Tony Attwood, Chairman of Hamilton House Mailings Ltd.  If you would like to discuss the writing or design of your mailing campaign, or indeed a single mailshot, with Tony, without cost or obligation, just call 01536 399 000, or email Creative@hamilton-house.com   You can also send Tony a copy of your latest advert and he will call you back with his thoughts on how your response rate could be raised - again without cost or obligation.